Matchmaking in our time is fast becoming a difficult task. I am not happy about the last one I did not up to a year now. Despite studying each other for almost two (2) years, the actual marriage didn’t go beyond eight (8) months or so.
When I listened to what led to the problems, I noticed both were guilty on different some allegations and counter allegations. But it would have been a different case if the man had been patient and strategic enough to handle the issues in the first place. Sometimes, a man doesn’t need to use his hand or harsh words to establish his authority. His corrective actions could be louder than his voice.
Well, we tried our best, moving from one meeting to another to bring them back together, no way! On one occasion like that, we had to leave both alone to talk to each other, beg each other and forgive each other. But as Allaah had destined, all these efforts didn’t work out. We can’t question His authority. May Allaah ease their affairs.
Marriage is more than the jamborees people do on a wedding day these days. Marriage is more than just longing to be married. Marriage requires wisdom, maturity and mutual understanding. There is no perfect marriage anywhere on earth. You must be prepared mentally, physically and emotionally to face the challenges of your union as they appear one after the other. Rushing for divorce is not always the best. There is no divorce without wounds. Some wounds are temporary, some are permanent. Divorcees would face it till the end of their lives.
In case you don’t know, arrogance from either side will never solve problems, it would rather add to it. Soft heart is the best heart. Something might look irritating to you. But it may be the best for you at the end of the day. If people of foresight are advising you to exercise patience, try to think twice.
Couples must be ready for tolerance, humility and perseverance over some of those things that would ordinarily get them angry against one another. Physical or verbal abuse are fast ways of bringing a marriage to an end, no matter how sweet it had been. These and other poor behaviours people exhibit in marriage must be avoided at all cost. Then, couples must mind those they take as advisers when they begin to have issues with their spouses. Your type of advisers can determine the duration of your marriage.
Although the hereafter is the ultimate goal, life is still meant to be enjoyed within the confines of the shar’iah. One of the enjoyments of life is a good spouse (a pious and caring one at that). A man or woman that understands all the games of marriage and can play it according to the rules.
Someone who is not prone to committing dangerous fouls in the 18-yard box of the marriage. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed. It is not meant to be a nightmare. Some people would get married and within a short while, they will make life miserable for one another as if they had never for once loved one another.
In every aspect of your marital life, you can’t afford to be analogue in this digital age. It is important to always update your skills and capacity while being conscious of shar’iah limitations. Prospective couples have a lot to learn from experienced people before entering the marriage proper. Men should learn the Chapters of dealing with women in Books of Hadith very well. Women should learn how to deal with men as provided in the Sunnah. It is dangerous to marry without knowledge and proper orientation. Unfortunately, a lot of people focus on wedding instead of marriage.
Allah’s aid is sought